Thankful

After yesterday's post, I thought I would write a "thankful" post. Because I AM THANKFUL for so many things in my life. My prayer is to not take away from those things but to BE THANKFUL for them...always! (not necessarily in order of importance)

1. My God.
2. My Husband.
3. My Parents.
4. My Husband's Parents.
5. My Job.
6. My Car.
7. My House
8. My Cat.
9. My Clothes.
10. Our Money.
11. Food.
12. Coffee.
13. Internet.
14. TV.
15. My Cell Phone.
16. My Health
17. Breath.
18. My Country.
19. My Safety.
20. Police Officers and Firefighters.
21. Love.
22. My Readers.
23. All of the Friends I've made through Blogging.
24. All of my Personal Friends.
25. My Family.
26. Our Future Children.
27. Ponytail Holders (it's real)
28. My Bed.
29. Running Water and a Flushing Toilet.
30. Thanksgiving...the food, the fellowship, and the meaning behind it all.

What are you thankful for. There is always something to be thankful for!

 

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!

Much love....

 

Danielle

 

All on the line...emotionally

So, I know its been a while since I've been here but today I felt strongly to share my feelings about where we are.

source

 

A few months ago I just wasn't feeling right. I made and appointment with my Dr. to tell him about what was going on. I was trying HARD to lose weight. I was working out 5 days a week, eating right, doing everything I could. I was gaining weight! He gave me this speech about this and that and didn't want me to get my hopes up that something was wrong, maybe my body just didn't like the things I was putting in to it or was getting "used" to working out. Whatever, I knew. He ordered some labs and sure enough....insulin resistance. Back to the PCOS mumbo jumbo! Great.

I wasn't ovulating, I was gaining weight, I had insulin resistance, and still NO BABY! He decided to start me on Metformin and see how that went for 3 months. This is month three and still no baby. But there are some positive things that have come from this. Last month I decided to do OPK's to see if I was ovulating on my own. Now before we get too far ahead, I already know that you can get a positive and still not ovulate. On day 18 of my cycle I got a +!!! Praise Jesus! The medicine was working! 14 days later my period started (grrr) but I knew my body was working the way it should. This month, I had lots of tell tale signs that I ovulated around day 14 or 15. I didn't do an OPK this month because I didn't want the stress of having to take a test every day at the same time and blah blah. If you have ever taken OPK's then you understand what I mean...it's tiring. I think it's worse than a pregnancy test, honestly!

So here we are, month 3. I'm waiting. Waiting on my period to arrive, waiting on a + pregnancy test, waiting to see what happens this month. If I am not pregnant this month, then we move on. We redo my labs to see where my levels are. If they are improving.

I have lost 13 lbs, which isn't a ton, but its something. Anything is better than gaining weight!! Metformin has kicked my rear though, its not an easy medicine to be on. You definitely have to eat right and cut back on the carbs and sugar!! Something I'm not great at!! I'm getting there though!

If I'm not pregnant, we will more thank likely try more fertility treatments beginning in January. I want to be that woman and couple that goes off treatments and gets pregnant. I want to be that couple that is able to tell that miracle story. Either way we will have a miracle, I know it. But quite honestly, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of it all!

I'm broken, emotionally. I'm ready to be a mother. I'm ready to see my husband as a father. I know he will be so great with our children. I don't want to have to go through IVF, I just don't. It's hard to rely on Dr.'s, medicine, God. But that's what we will have to do. It won't be and hasn't been easy for us, but we will have a story to tell at the end of all this. Encouragement for others.

I think from now on, I will try and not talk about infertility all the time. I will keep you updated but I also want to just write about other things. Life in general. I know a baby is my life right now but it doesn't have to consume it.

Much love...

Danielle

Insta dump...life lately

 

My niece. I'm so in love with her. She is truly a blessing to us and I can't wait to make her a big cousin!

 

Mike and I have been walking/running the McKinley Monument stairs again. This is the rotunda inside the monument. It's beautiful. You can't just go in there but they were having a tour so we snuck in and took pictures really quick!

 

My cousin Katelyn asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! Of course I said yes, it's in California! I wouldn't miss it for anything!!

Eating healthier!

Quincey loves being in the breezeway. This was breakfast with mom the other day.

 

 

We did the night glo walk/run with my parents. It was to support domestic violence. Very moving!

 

I made this for Lily. They are super easy!!

 

My niece turned ONE!??!?! Time flies!!

 

I became part of a POUND POSSE! and I'm in love!

 

We went fishing at a lake here. I love being outside and especially by the water!!! It's sooo peaceful!

 

 

 

My cousin Katelyn that asked me to be her bridesmaid moved home from California!!!! I'm sooo happy shes here!

 

Quincey again the breezeway with mom! He loves it out there!!

Life is good!

14 Day Fat Loss Solution

So I've been working out and eating better for a month now. I have lost 5 lbs and I'm sure a lot more inches. I haven't really been tracking my inches but I can tell my clothes feel a little different. It hasn't been a huge difference just yet because I'll be honest, my eating hasn't been a great example of how you should eat on a diet. There are parties and holidays and, and, and, and....EXCUSES. I can't pass up a good piece of cake, or cheesy potatoes, or brownies. Except now.

I've been doing the POUND workout I've mentioned before and I LOVE IT!! I would encourage anyone to look them up and order the DVD or find somewhere near you that teaches the class. It's great and it works out your whole body.

My cousin-in-law is starting a 14 day fat loss solution today. I am so excited that she asked me to be part of it. I will be doing this along with POUND. POUND is only 2 days a week so I'll be doing it along with the work outs at home. We will be doing clean eating and working out at home, doing work outs that you don't have to buy extra stuff for. Stuff you can do at home with your body weight.

I'm so excited. I can't wait to see results. It's a fat shred so let it begin. Shred it off!! I took pictures and measurements yesterday so I will let you know how it goes throughout the week and once the first week is up.

The story of my life today

 

On a positive note....I HAD A NORMAL CYCLE WITHOUT DRUGS!!!!! No medication, no Clomid, injections, ultrasounds! All on my own. This is the first normal 30 day cycle I've had since my miscarriage not being on medicine! Praise the Lord!

 

Happy Thursday everyone!

 

p.s. sorry if any guys read this...its more of a woman's day! :)

we interrupt your regularly scheduled program....to lose weight

pinterest

With a negative pregnancy test on Wednesday it's hard for me not to be negative.

We have decided to take a break from fertility treatments for now. We are going to take 3 months off and see where that gets us. I am going to bust my butt to lose as much weight as I can (all the while being healthy and not crash dieting because that never gets me anywhere). I have started a class at the YMCA called Pound, I think I mentioned it before. But I love it. sometimes its hard on back but its so much fun and time just flies because its all to music and you're constantly moving.

Realistically I need to lose 80 pounds. I hope know that's not going to happen all before we get pregnant. If it does then ok but if it doesn't then I'll be fine with it. As long as I know that I'm moving toward a goal of getting healthier. I know my eating habits are bad, but I feel like all these hormones and injections and on and on have really made it hard for me and contributed to me gaining weight. Trust me...we eat bad and I know! So that's going to change!

Our/my goal is to not eat out or eat fast food during the week for the month of May. Mike and I go out on dates on the weekend and its just something we enjoy so I don't think its a realistic goal for the weekends but we still don't have to go crazy when we are eating out.

I also want to cut out pop and a lot of sugar. Again, I'm not going to cut out all these things at once and crash diet because I wont stick to it. If I eliminate one thing at a time it will be easier. So eating out/fast food and pop are my two main focuses this month.

Here we go. I'm going to start doing weight updates again. I'm not going to post my weight because I'm trying not to focus on numbers so much like I did before. It's hard for me because I like to hide and not let people see things like this but it gives me motivation. I will take pictures and post them for you all to see. It will probably be an evolving thing.

I'm ready!! Are you? Would you like to join me? Let's do something and make a change for the month of May! One month at a time! I'll start posting on Monday!

Infertility Awareness Week

 

This week is infertility awareness week. As you all know, this hits home for me. I actually know a lot of people personally that are struggling with it. It's so weird to think that just a few short years ago I was totally oblivious to all of this. Now, I am all too familiar.

 

Today I am linking up with Lauren over at our crazy ever after to raise awareness!!

 

 

If you don't know our history you can read it all at the links below...

 

Can't Wait to Meet You Someday

The End of the Story

Opening Up about Our Infertility Journey

Our Journey Pt. 2

Our First Fertility Appointment

Plan of Action

The Results are In

Build a Baby Update 

Not a Typical Sunday Morning

Look What Came in the Mail

They Shot Me

TCC Update

 

There are some other posts in between here and there but these are the main ones that will explain what is going on.

 

We were going to take a break this month but decided that we've invested so much in to this already that we might as well try again. So we started the process all over again.

 

We didn't really tell anyone we were going to try again this month because mainly I wanted it to be a surprise, but with this week I want people to be aware. I want them to know they aren't alone.

 

So, baseline ultrasound and Clomid again with the trigger shot.

 

The first dose of Clomid this round didn't work, so I had to start it again right away. Two doses of Clomid in one cycle. Enter PSHYCO Danielle. :)

 

Finally, the second one worked, I triggered and hopefully ovulated the next day. We did the ultrasound a day later on cycle day 13 instead of 12 so my follicles were good sized. All 3 above 1.8. One was 1.8 and the other two were like 2.6 and 2.8. I was having so much pain on my left side and I thought for sure there was another cyst there but luckily it was because all 3 follicles were on the same side.

 

So now, I'm in the dreadful, from h. e. double hockey sticks waiting period. Seriously, when I get to Heaven I'm going to ask God why He made us have to suffer through all this waiting. Always waiting during a cycle. It's stressful and they tell you not to stress. ha.

 

We are ready for this part of the journey to be over. You can see below just how much time and money we've put in to trying for a baby. I'm sure we've spent a good amount more than that but it doesn't let you put in different costs. Either way, its taxing. I pray each day for all of the couples who are like us. All those struggling. Whether the journey is years or months it still doesn't make it any easier. I try to remind myself daily that we will all get our someday. The someday that we will be pregnant. The someday that we don't have to worry about miscarrying. The someday that we will have a precious bundle of joy in our arms.

 

Flowers for Spring {inspiration}

I love spring! I love the fresh flowers and the new life that comes with spring. It just makes things seem new and fresh. A brand new start full of cheer and happy thoughts!

Lately, my thoughts have been pretty negative. I've fallen in to the infertility funk, rut, ravine, sink hole, whatever you want to call it.

It's officially been 27 months since we've started trying for a child and almost 1 year since we conceived last time. I try not to focus on the long term numbers because it really depresses me. So much that I don't want to be around people. I don't want to take care of myself and I eat. And gain weight. Then I start feeling better and the next month happens. The next negative comes and it starts all over again!

Not this month. I've started going to a POUND workout class that my aunt teaches and I will continue to do so until we get pregnant. Then I will have to get the clear from the doc before I can work out. I don't want anything to happen this time! I'm overweight and out of shape so it's been hard but I'm doing it. I'm super sore and a little grouchy about it but hey I feel better when I leave and it makes me want to eat better to be able to see results.

I've let my weight go and I'm so unhappy about it, but food is good and I was lazy and I let myself slip in to the overweight funk.

I've been trying to turn my negative attitude around about our situation because I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this. I have a great support system and hope and faith that things will come to pass. I just can't help but think that we have been waiting for so long.

There are so many questions that I have that I'm not sure I will ever get answers for but it's ok. Why do we have to wait? Why are there so many couples out there that get pregnant without trying? Why are there so many women who don't want to be pregnant get pregnant? Women who have had their tubes tied and men who have had vasectomies, pregnant? Women in 3rd world countries that can't take care of themselves and their babies, who have AIDS and probably won't live to even see their babies turn one. (this truly breaks my heart so I'm not being rude or disrespectful here)

But a new day is coming. Hopefully sooner rather than later! We are so very ready for this next chapter in our lives, the chapter that includes 3 (and more to come) Covington's (plus Quincey Kitty). The chapter that brings new life, new hope, new joy, new restoration. We are ready to be more than what we are!

Here's to spring! Warm weather, sunshine, flowers, birds chirping, and new life!!

TTC Update

Hello All,

With a heavy heart I want to let you know that we did not conceive this month. We are going to take a break. I can't handle the emotions and the stress and everything else that goes along with it. All the crazy hormones from the medication and injection, the waiting and more waiting. It just gets to be too much!

I will also be taking a break from blogging for a couple weeks. I need time to just think, to meditate and get back to a good place. I've been so focused on baby, baby, baby that I haven't taken time for myself and to get back to the things I enjoy. I'm going to take time to hopefully lose some weight. Also to enjoy my husband and cherish these times with just the two of us!

Thanks for your prayers and support, please keep them coming.

Much love.

Getting Organized {a little late}

It's everyone's goal to get "reorganized" at the beginning of a new year. Well, I'm only 2 1/2 months late but that's ok. Of course, I turned to Pinterest to find some free printable planners and here are a few of my favorites that I found. I wish I could be this design savvy but I'm not so I'm super glad these ladies are willing to share these with us all for FREE!!

1. Daily Planner from Passion for Savings

 

2. 2014 Day Planner from Gluesticks 

            This one has links to other sites with AWESOME printables. I love, love, love this one!

 

 

 

 

 

3. Life Planner from This After Twins

         This one says 2013 but you can use it for 2014 because she hasn't numbered the days. You         would just have to change the cover page.

 

 

4. 2014 Planner from Miss Tina

      This one is probably my favorite. She has everything laid out for you in pretty designs.

 

 

 

5. Blog Planner from The Blogging Garden

 

 



 

 6. 5 Blog Planner Printables from Made to be a Momma

7. 2014 Planner by Jill at One Good Thing

8. DIY Personalized Life Planner

 

 

I hope these help you all get organized!! I'm in love. I might print one of each!! haha!

 

Love.

On the low side

Today...

I'm on the low side.

 

I'm just having one of those days. You know, like circumstantial depression I guess you could call it.

 

There are a few things going on around us that are just bringing me down. I have to remember that God gives me the strength and the peace and the drive to go on. It's hard to remember that though, its hard to rely, its hard to have faith. Some times I feel like I've been there. I've tried that and a lot of times it seems to only get worse.

 

I've decided to take a break from Facebook. I can't do it right now. There are a lot of people announcing pregnancy and talking about being pregnant. People hinting to the idea of trying again or hinting that they are pregnant but haven't come out and say it.

 

Do you ever feel like people do things with a hidden intention. Like they mean for it to be known and thrown in your face, but they don't realize it? I'm sure a lot of people thing its me or whomever being overly sensitive but you can tell the malicious from the non. I'm not just talking about babies and pregnancy either. Friendships, relationships, material things, possessions. Things they know you want or need and that they can get freely. Have you ever told someone you wanted something and they go out and get it? Then it doesn't seem special to you. Thanks.

 

There are other circumstances, friends that come and go, life happenings, and things of that sort that are going on as well. It's hard when things change.

 

So today, I'm just taking my space. Trying to trust. Trying to have faith. Trying to remember I'm in this moment for a reason. It's only for a season. Please...only a short season!

 

 

 

I'm not Interesting

Let's be honest. I'm not very interesting. I don't have children yet, I have a cat who lays around and you can't blog about that, I do have a handsome husband but he is in school right now so we are limited on the fun things we can do. The only thing I can really blog about right now is our journey to parenthood. And I feel like there are so many blogs out there about women who are going through it that one more is just boring. I struggle to find me "blogger identity" and "fit in" somewhere. But you know what? That's not why I started blogging so I don't want to go there.

 

I need new material but I honestly don't feel like I have the time to DIY anymore. Maybe it's not so much the time as the motivation. There are only so many things you can sew, crochet, or create from Pinterest that someone else hasn't already thought of. I will work on it though. Probably not every week like I used to, but I need to come up with some good projects to work on.

With spring hopefully around the corner and a baby hopefully on the way sooner rather than later, I will come up with some fresh ideas. I need to take my expensive camera out and take some good pictures.

I'm not a fashion blogger, one I just don't have the money or time to do that and two I just don't feel confident enough to do that. I have this blog so that I can remember things that happened and are happening in my life. I love to look back and read the things that happened a year ago and I can't imagine what it'll be like when I do have kids. We can read back together and see just how far we've come.

 

So, for now I will continue on keeping you updated about the baby process and we will go from there. Plus it's just to darn cold to get out and take pictures of anything pretty. Freezing over here!

Oh you know, just a (non) typical Sunday morning

Just an update on how the "production" is going. I hadn't started my period yet last time I updated you so I thought I should let you in on what's going on now.

I had to take the progesterone and then wait 10 days for my period to start. I only took it for 7 and then waited 5 days for the lovely to come. So of course it started on Saturday...a day the Drs Office isn't open right! Well, fortunately our office is open 7 days a week, not 24 hours though, but still open for at least a little bit during the weekend because of IVF and all of that! How wonderful!

I got to get up at 6:30 and get ready (office is 30 minutes away) and be there by 8 so I could beat the crowd. I ended up parking in a lot I don't think I was supposed to park in because I was the only car in the lot. I was so excited, I thought that I had beaten everyone there. Umm...wrong. I got to the office and there were probably 30 people in there already. A lot of them were couples, so I'm assuming they were there for IVF, IUI or something of that sort. Everyone looked sleepy and ticked off. Fortunately as soon as I sat down, I got called back. Ultrasound 3 minutes later. They do a baseline ultrasound before day 3 of your cycle to make sure there are no cysts that would be made worse by the Clomid. No cysts here! Yippie!

Everything looked great and I was on my way out the door with a script for Clomid in my hand.

 

So now, I take 2 of these bad boys a day for 5 days. Then back for another ultrasound to check the size of my follies and then time for trigger shot. Injection. Yikes. But it's ok. I better get used to it since I'll be having to do it twice a day while I'm pregnant. If the follicles aren't ready, then we have to wait and I have to just keep going back until they are ready, then you take the shot. Then you do married people things. Then you wait. 2 weeks. you wait.....and wait. Drive a woman insane I tell ya!

 

I would really appreciate your prayers that we are one and done. One month only for this round of treatments, I pray we don't have to do 4 months again, then birth control, then, then, then.  I don't know that I could handle it! :)

Build a Baby Update

So this is my arsenal of medication. In the mornings I take my prenatal vitamins, cranberry pill, extra folic acid, and low dose aspirin. Then at night right now, I'm taking Provera.

 

I was supposed to start my cycle on the 3rd. Didn't happen. So, I waited until the 10th and nothing. I took a test and it was of course negative. I called the Dr. and they had me go for blood work just to double check and make sure I wasn't pregnant and also to check my progesterone levels. Apparently they were low, which indicates that I didn't ovulate this month, which means my period will need help starting. That's the reason for Provera at night right now. I take that for 10 days then the period is supposed to start within 10 days of stopping it.

Ahh well, we weren't "trying" anyway this month because we wanted to start fresh when my cycle started with Clomid!

Now, it's just waiting until it does start then I will go in for an ultrasound to see where things are and then start Clomid if all looks well in there!! Praying!

Date Night fun

So last weekend we decided to just stay in for our date night on Friday. It was so nice! Hubby started back to school on Monday, so we don't get to see each other much, usually a hello kiss and goodnight kiss all at the same time.

 

It was freezing outside so we decided to rent some movies, get a pizza, start a fire, and camp out on the living room floor. It was much more fun to lay on the floor instead of trying to get comfy on the couch....do I sit up, do I lay down, hubby wants to lay down, should we put the recliners out or try and make it work with both of us laying down. It's awkward. Floor works much better. We gathered some fluffy blankets, laid 'em out, and we were set.

What's your favorite date night? Do you usually go out or do you stay in sometimes?

SHG and HSG

Overall experience?

Not bad for the SHG! It was definitely uncomfortable but not painful. The only semi pain I had was when they put the catheter in. Other than that...nothing, nada, no pain. Which totally blew me away because I read all the horror stories online about how the SHG was impossible and the HSG was even worse.

But, all is well with my uterus! :) No polys or fibroids! Yippie!

The HSG....was totally fine. Yes, it was crampy and uncomfortable but NO where near what I was prepared for. I guess in my mind I calm myself because it's worth it to know what is going on inside. It's worth it to know that there is nothing hindering anything.

Now, we just wait on the blood results and go from there. I go back in two weeks to find out the results from all of that and to map out the plan of action!!

One step closer people...one step closer! And that's all we can do...take it one step at a time!

{source}

It's Cliche-My Goals for 2014

This has nothing to do with this post but I miss the day when I could just right 99 or whatever. Now it seems that we have to always write it out...2014 as opposed to just 14.

Anywho...even though its 3 weeks late its better than never!

Here is my "goal list" for 14 {:)}...I thought I would start out with "14" things...

1. Be a better follower and doer of the Word
2. Be a better wife
3. Be a better daughter, granddaughter, cousin, aunt, sister-in-law, ect.
4. Start doing craft fairs and selling my work
5. Be positive
6. Take as many pictures as I can
7. Be better about sharing my pictures. Printing them out, IG them more, FB some more
                ****another side note: Is it bad that I want to start phasing FB out of my life? No, ok!
8. Finish home projects we didn't finish last year
9. Love more
10. Get healthier -- I'm not just talking about losing weight...I'm talking get healthy
11. Become a mommy and a family of 3 or more {wishful thinking with 3 or more}
12. Pay it Forward more....more random acts of kindness
13. Travel somewhere
14. Blog more