Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Infertility Awareness Week

This week is infertility awareness week. As you all know, this hits home for me. I actually know a lot of people personally that are struggling with it. It's so weird to think that just a few short years ago I was totally oblivious to all of this. Now, I am all too familiar.
If you don't know our history you can read it all at the links below...
There are some other posts in between here and there but these are the main ones that will explain what is going on.
We were going to take a break this month but decided that we've invested so much in to this already that we might as well try again. So we started the process all over again.
We didn't really tell anyone we were going to try again this month because mainly I wanted it to be a surprise, but with this week I want people to be aware. I want them to know they aren't alone.
So, baseline ultrasound and Clomid again with the trigger shot.
The first dose of Clomid this round didn't work, so I had to start it again right away. Two doses of Clomid in one cycle. Enter PSHYCO Danielle. :)
Finally, the second one worked, I triggered and hopefully ovulated the next day. We did the ultrasound a day later on cycle day 13 instead of 12 so my follicles were good sized. All 3 above 1.8. One was 1.8 and the other two were like 2.6 and 2.8. I was having so much pain on my left side and I thought for sure there was another cyst there but luckily it was because all 3 follicles were on the same side.
So now, I'm in the dreadful, from h. e. double hockey sticks waiting period. Seriously, when I get to Heaven I'm going to ask God why He made us have to suffer through all this waiting. Always waiting during a cycle. It's stressful and they tell you not to stress. ha.
We are ready for this part of the journey to be over. You can see below just how much time and money we've put in to trying for a baby. I'm sure we've spent a good amount more than that but it doesn't let you put in different costs. Either way, its taxing. I pray each day for all of the couples who are like us. All those struggling. Whether the journey is years or months it still doesn't make it any easier. I try to remind myself daily that we will all get our someday. The someday that we will be pregnant. The someday that we don't have to worry about miscarrying. The someday that we will have a precious bundle of joy in our arms.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Flowers for Spring {inspiration}

I love spring! I love the fresh flowers and the new life that comes with spring. It just makes things seem new and fresh. A brand new start full of cheer and happy thoughts!

Lately, my thoughts have been pretty negative. I've fallen in to the infertility funk, rut, ravine, sink hole, whatever you want to call it.

It's officially been 27 months since we've started trying for a child and almost 1 year since we conceived last time. I try not to focus on the long term numbers because it really depresses me. So much that I don't want to be around people. I don't want to take care of myself and I eat. And gain weight. Then I start feeling better and the next month happens. The next negative comes and it starts all over again!

Not this month. I've started going to a POUND workout class that my aunt teaches and I will continue to do so until we get pregnant. Then I will have to get the clear from the doc before I can work out. I don't want anything to happen this time! I'm overweight and out of shape so it's been hard but I'm doing it. I'm super sore and a little grouchy about it but hey I feel better when I leave and it makes me want to eat better to be able to see results.

I've let my weight go and I'm so unhappy about it, but food is good and I was lazy and I let myself slip in to the overweight funk.

I've been trying to turn my negative attitude around about our situation because I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this. I have a great support system and hope and faith that things will come to pass. I just can't help but think that we have been waiting for so long.

There are so many questions that I have that I'm not sure I will ever get answers for but it's ok. Why do we have to wait? Why are there so many couples out there that get pregnant without trying? Why are there so many women who don't want to be pregnant get pregnant? Women who have had their tubes tied and men who have had vasectomies, pregnant? Women in 3rd world countries that can't take care of themselves and their babies, who have AIDS and probably won't live to even see their babies turn one. (this truly breaks my heart so I'm not being rude or disrespectful here)

But a new day is coming. Hopefully sooner rather than later! We are so very ready for this next chapter in our lives, the chapter that includes 3 (and more to come) Covington's (plus Quincey Kitty). The chapter that brings new life, new hope, new joy, new restoration. We are ready to be more than what we are!

Here's to spring! Warm weather, sunshine, flowers, birds chirping, and new life!!