So, I know its been a while since I've been here but today I felt strongly to share my feelings about where we are.
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I wasn't ovulating, I was gaining weight, I had insulin resistance, and still NO BABY! He decided to start me on Metformin and see how that went for 3 months. This is month three and still no baby. But there are some positive things that have come from this. Last month I decided to do OPK's to see if I was ovulating on my own. Now before we get too far ahead, I already know that you can get a positive and still not ovulate. On day 18 of my cycle I got a +!!! Praise Jesus! The medicine was working! 14 days later my period started (grrr) but I knew my body was working the way it should. This month, I had lots of tell tale signs that I ovulated around day 14 or 15. I didn't do an OPK this month because I didn't want the stress of having to take a test every day at the same time and blah blah. If you have ever taken OPK's then you understand what I mean...it's tiring. I think it's worse than a pregnancy test, honestly!
So here we are, month 3. I'm waiting. Waiting on my period to arrive, waiting on a + pregnancy test, waiting to see what happens this month. If I am not pregnant this month, then we move on. We redo my labs to see where my levels are. If they are improving.
I have lost 13 lbs, which isn't a ton, but its something. Anything is better than gaining weight!! Metformin has kicked my rear though, its not an easy medicine to be on. You definitely have to eat right and cut back on the carbs and sugar!! Something I'm not great at!! I'm getting there though!
If I'm not pregnant, we will more thank likely try more fertility treatments beginning in January. I want to be that woman and couple that goes off treatments and gets pregnant. I want to be that couple that is able to tell that miracle story. Either way we will have a miracle, I know it. But quite honestly, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of it all!
I'm broken, emotionally. I'm ready to be a mother. I'm ready to see my husband as a father. I know he will be so great with our children. I don't want to have to go through IVF, I just don't. It's hard to rely on Dr.'s, medicine, God. But that's what we will have to do. It won't be and hasn't been easy for us, but we will have a story to tell at the end of all this. Encouragement for others.
I think from now on, I will try and not talk about infertility all the time. I will keep you updated but I also want to just write about other things. Life in general. I know a baby is my life right now but it doesn't have to consume it.
Much love...
Danielle
