Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Flowers for Spring {inspiration}

I love spring! I love the fresh flowers and the new life that comes with spring. It just makes things seem new and fresh. A brand new start full of cheer and happy thoughts!

Lately, my thoughts have been pretty negative. I've fallen in to the infertility funk, rut, ravine, sink hole, whatever you want to call it.

It's officially been 27 months since we've started trying for a child and almost 1 year since we conceived last time. I try not to focus on the long term numbers because it really depresses me. So much that I don't want to be around people. I don't want to take care of myself and I eat. And gain weight. Then I start feeling better and the next month happens. The next negative comes and it starts all over again!

Not this month. I've started going to a POUND workout class that my aunt teaches and I will continue to do so until we get pregnant. Then I will have to get the clear from the doc before I can work out. I don't want anything to happen this time! I'm overweight and out of shape so it's been hard but I'm doing it. I'm super sore and a little grouchy about it but hey I feel better when I leave and it makes me want to eat better to be able to see results.

I've let my weight go and I'm so unhappy about it, but food is good and I was lazy and I let myself slip in to the overweight funk.

I've been trying to turn my negative attitude around about our situation because I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this. I have a great support system and hope and faith that things will come to pass. I just can't help but think that we have been waiting for so long.

There are so many questions that I have that I'm not sure I will ever get answers for but it's ok. Why do we have to wait? Why are there so many couples out there that get pregnant without trying? Why are there so many women who don't want to be pregnant get pregnant? Women who have had their tubes tied and men who have had vasectomies, pregnant? Women in 3rd world countries that can't take care of themselves and their babies, who have AIDS and probably won't live to even see their babies turn one. (this truly breaks my heart so I'm not being rude or disrespectful here)

But a new day is coming. Hopefully sooner rather than later! We are so very ready for this next chapter in our lives, the chapter that includes 3 (and more to come) Covington's (plus Quincey Kitty). The chapter that brings new life, new hope, new joy, new restoration. We are ready to be more than what we are!

Here's to spring! Warm weather, sunshine, flowers, birds chirping, and new life!!

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