a heart kinda love...

i have been dealing with a lot of emotions this week....up and down and around...dont know why and dont know how to fix it...thankfully i have a husband who picks me up and dusts me off and says..."snap out of girl." i have been going through the past couple years of my life and thinking about all the STUPID i mean STUPID decisions and mistakes that i have made....holy canoli...i think this is what has gotten me down and now i know the meaning of why God tells us to keep our focus on the road ahead of us. quit turning around...we dont live there anymore...the past is exactly that...the past...something that we cant change...no matter who weve hurt or how much weve hurt ourselves and relationships.

i saw this quote on pinterest today and can't wrap my mind around it so i thought i would blog about it...

"your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does" -unknown

part of me agrees, but part of me says thats why we have God....everyone makes mistakes...knowingly or unknowingly. i think the key here is to line up with your beliefs and your behavior will change. at some point in life you will make poor choices...could be one choice or it could be for a period of time. remember...youve made mistakes...big and little...and at some point someone has had to forgive you...

now...this is something that i struggle with myself so by no means am i pointing the finger at anyone...FORGIVING and LETTING GO of what people have done in the past. seriously...you nor i are the judge of someones past and/or decisions. most of the time you dont know whats going on in their life for them to make that decision or you dont know the whole story. i think thats the biggest thing for me...i will hear a story second hand and get mad at the person who did it and it didnt even happen to me or i come up with something that they "did wrong" to me that happend sometime ago...LET IT GO!

i have learned to just take a step back from negative people and focus on my own life. make myself a better person and take myself out of situations that will enable me to make poor decisions. i myself have to remember that people are human but when they make an effort to change and become that better person i have to forgive them and if im going to forgive them...as hard as it is....i have to forget their mistakes...whether it be something they did to me or to themselves. i have lost too many friends to unforgiveness....it makes me sad. when someone says they're sorry or asks for your forgivness...give it to them and be genuine about it. if you cant do that then tell them...be open and honest...when someone makes an honest effort to better themselves and change ackowledge that. be the better person.

honestly...the above paragraph has been the hardest thing for me the past year...i have been struggling with forgiving and letting go of things. seriously...i had to start looking at it like this...that is only hurting me...its not hurting them...thats more than likely what they wanted from you...for you to be hurt and to sulk and think about the things you did to them and how much you may have hurt them...so they do something to retaliate against you...its a vicious cycle...that like i said...in the end only hurts you.

God has really been dealing with me and my personal life and decisions...i am ready to be a grown up...and to be responsible for my actions. He cant bless me if im holding on to hurt and unforgivness...nor can he bless me if im living in sin and making poor decisions. Hes waiting for me to run to him and to be able to tell me that He loves me with that unconditional love. He doesnt care what your friend, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, coworker, mcdonalds worker, ect. thinks of me...He loves me and doesnt remember those mistakes i made....He looks at my HEART and loves that part of me. man what a profound concept...i want to me more like that...i want to look at peoples HEARTS and love that part of them. im challenging myself...

So in the end...if youre reading this and ive done something to hurt you...whether it be small or HUGE...please please accept this as my apology...if you want to talk to me about it please get ahold of me and let me know. IM SORRY!