Giving Up on Good {July}

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My giving up on good this month is inspired by Tiffany at Mrs. Pate Writes. In a recent post she wrote about having to let go of a bunch of things that are weighing her down and making her "not her."

I have been feeling this way for some time now. To be honest, I don't really have any friends that I spend a lot of time with because I always feel like I have to conform to whatever they want me to be in order for them to be my friend. I don't know about you, but I feel like friendships involve a lot of drama that I'm not willing to take on. Maybe this is because I'm looking in all of the wrong places, but my goodness. I feel like I'm still in high school just a little bit older. I can't deal with that emotionally, I have too many other things in my life to deal with, just don't have time for it.

It's not that I don't want friends, because trust me, I do. I have one best friend and she lives 900 miles away in Oklahoma. I have some good friends here too, but they also live at least an hour or more away, so we don't get to see each other as much as I would like. It's not like we can just call each other up and say, "hey do you want to go get something to eat or run to the mall with me...or even just go for a walk with me." I have a cousin who lives in California that I consider my best friend, but again...no one close.

This has really been weighing me down lately...honestly. Sometimes I feel so alone friend wise, but then I feel like its better to not have friends than to deal with the catty dealings of it. I don't necessarily know if it's all the other person's fault, because I know I put a lot of pressure on myself, but it seems that when I get in to friendships with people I end up compromising way to much of who I really am. I have made some incredibly poor choices that could have potentially ruined my life. {which is why I say it's not all the other persons fault because I can make my own choices as a person} I completely change me and thats not really what friendship is all about. I shouldn't have to change me for someone to be friends with me. I shouldn't want to be friends with that person any way if they are requiring me to change for them to like me. It's ok that I'm not like that person. There are other people out there that are like me...I just have to find them. Friendships are like relationships with the opposite sex....some work...some don't. But when you have to change for that person to "stay" with you then it becomes something other than a friendship or relationship. It becomes work and in the end {trust me} you will resent that person and yourself!

I would get sad and depressed when I didn't think a person liked me...seriously? NO!!! My {favorite} instructor at RHEMA tweeted this the other day and it really made me think....

"How people treat you says more about them than it does about you... " -Mr. Doug Jones

This is so good that it made me realize that they are the ones that have the problem not me. Now here we go...I'm not perfect by any means...because I'm guilty of this as well! I am who I am people. Who I was a year ago is not who I am today, heck 6 months, 3 months, last month. I am constantly changing for the better I hope...if not then there is something wrong and I need to evaluate who I am becoming and who is in my life and if I'm trying to impress or not. It's exhausting when you're working hard to be friends with someone...friendship should be fun and definitely not taxing. Not having to change your house, your clothes, the car you drive, the way you talk, the way you act, how much money you make and the way you "hang out" so someone likes you or talks to you. Ugh...I'm too old for that! {yes?!}

 There is a time and a season for everything and it's ok to lose friends and let go of friendships. Learn from them, cherish them, and move on. Don't hold on to the fact that the person doesn't "like" you anymore. You should be growing as a person and sometimes other people don't grow or grow in a different way. People hurt and forgiveness is a hard thing. There are so many different factors.

So, all that to say...I'm giving up on trying with people who I think I need as friends. They can be my aquaintences but I don't need to be close friends with them and THAT IS OK! I'm giving up on being something and someone that I'm not. I'm not you and you're not me and that is a wonderful thing. Two people should never be the same. I am just going to live my life and be thankful for the people who come and go. I will always have my wonderful husband and my mom to talk to in the dry times of friendship. My mom and husband seriously are my best friends...I tell them everything. But I need my mom for the girly things and my husband for the life things.