I'm tired of being FAT!

Man, I'm tired of being fat. But, it seems like I do nothing about it. I cannot have children until I lose the weight, but I have no will power. You would think that not being able to have a baby until I lose weight would be enough motivation, but no, it's not and that makes me feel horrible.

I'm seriously starting to get depressed about it. I want a baby so bad and yet I know the answer to my problem. I am the heaviest I have ever been and it's frustrating.

Seeing all these girls who are getting pregnant or getting ready to have their babies is frustrating too. I would have 4 weeks to go in my pregnancy. I would be able to hold a little bundle of joy like the rest of the girls who are delivering are doing. But no, I had to have that taken from me.

I may be a little depressed about that too, it's not fair. I did everything right. I see girls who are not doing anything right and are having healthy babies. What?

So, I don't know what to do. This might sound a little crazy, but I've given it to God. I've asked Him to help me because I can't do it on my own. I look at myself and I'm disgusted, totally appalled. How could you let yourself get this way? I can't be attractive to my husband, I'm not taking care of myself the way I should. And the cellulite, yuck!!!!!!

This post sounds depressing now that I read back over it, but it's a cry for help. Does anyone have any suggestions? Have you been so overweight that you felt hopeless? See, the thing is that I have so much weight to lose that I feel like it's going to take FOREVER to get it off and that makes me...ugh.

I'm tired of being fat. I'm going to do it. I want to become a runner, and I don't want to lose weight necessary for the sole purpose of looking good. I want to be a healthy mother, wife, friend, and daughter. I want to be healthy.



Here is a before picture....this is what I'm starting out at. I'm going to post my progress on here and hopefully that will motivate me and keep me accountable. I am going to take pictures once a month or myself. I'm not going to weigh myself because that just discourages me. I will weigh once at the beginning and once at the end and that's it. No more weighing in daily because I end up getting too frustrated with the numbers.

this is really embarrassing for me but it's a must!

 

  Linking up today....